The Gaucho Gazette

Une Lettre à L’anxiété

Alejandro Paredes, Page editor, reporter

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   Dear Anxiety, you’ve been by my side since I can remember. When we first met, I knew at an instant that I desired solitude and distance away from the negativity you brought unconditionally into my life. I recall at age 13 when you started to make me think that everyone was going to use foul slurs against me and the way you put me in a state of panic when a teacher called on me in class or made me foresee a future filled with uncertainty. I despised you sincerely because you chose to carelessly hurt me at the wrong time in my life –– you couldn’t even consider the fact that I was struggling with an identity crisis? To this very day, you’ve caused me great torment, but because you were by my side every second, minute, hour, day, and month, I attained something crucial out of your being.
   Initially, I never had decent grades that I was proud of –– since you started to hang out with me, I had to adjust to your behavior and actions due to the fact that you constantly reminded me of every single detail that interfered my line of sight. You forced me to thoroughly investigate and verify every object or discussion that I encountered. I had to know if a small gray rock was really the abdomen or cephalothorax of a spider. In addition to that, you compelled me to study the anatomy of a spider and watch disgusting videos of insect enthusiasts analyzing these complex creatures on YouTube. It helps a bit in the long run though, whichever place I come across, I can always identify a spider.
   There are some things that I passionately hate about you. You’re always prompting me to know everything that is happening. For example, whenever I don’t complete a homework assignment, errand, or objective, I become apprehensive and stress over the idea that I would forget to do those things because you’re always in my mind. I was afraid and speculated that you were going to do worse –– you did –– so I had to find ways to deal with you.
   When you decided that sophomore year was the time to inflict serious damage, I realized that it’s your job to do what is necessary. Furthermore, I was never able to comprehend the necessities of having you inhibit appalling events that shaped me as a human. Being concerned with what is imminent, urged me to question myself consistently without any limit. Am I going to verbally or physically fight someone today? Should I take this class for my future? Will I fail this course? Why is my friend sounding rude? Do my friends even like me? What if I don’t receive excellent grades and accomplish the necessary graduation requirements to go to college? These questions significantly fatigued me, and  I considered the possibility that you were finding pleasure in my unwanted turmoil. There’s a reason for everything, but I became skeptical with the idea of happiness –– a fundamental attribute which brings people  peace, exhilaration and a glorifying state of euphoria.
   You’re still with me to this day, but you’re no longer a portrayal of anxiety. I learned later on throughout my school year that you will never leave my side. I guess you just like me because I’m a cool person with a good sense of style. In my opinion, that’s true. But on the contrary of these matters, I was able to understand that you’re job isn’t to hurt people, or cause misery, or cause agony –– your job is to help people become better than they are and help them understand emotion with clarity. So I began experimenting with mechanisms that could essentially benefit me and make me feel some sense of alleviation.
   Anxiety, thank you for motivating me to succeed in school, because of you, I’ve put in much effort to receive excellent grades that could help me in the future and could motivate me to find something that I could find satisfaction in doing. Thank you for helping me find my state of happiness. Without you, I wouldn’t be able to experience genuine happiness. The purpose of this letter is to ultimately thank you for guiding me towards positivity.

With gratitude,
Alejandro

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Une Lettre à L’anxiété