The Gaucho Gazette

For Now, I Won’t Be Sitting

Andrew Gotshall, Broadcast Editor

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   I don’t really like sitting. Sitting is boring, still, and uneventful. It hurts my back, hurts my butt, and stiffens my legs. Sitting is the bane of my school experience. I am not comfortable while I am sitting, and thus my learning experience suffers. This may sound unappreciative, and it is, but if we have a choice in furniture, it should be at least somewhat comfortable.

   The thought of who invented chairs often crosses my mind. Why would one choose to invent such an atrocity? Sitting down, itself, is a health crisis to a nation already burdened with obesity and other medical ordeals as we constantly embrace the laziness associated with our country.

   There are three main types of chairs on this campus.

   The first type is the most common, and the type I most despise: the standard issue royal blue rolling chair. Short-backed and hard-seated, the chairs are impossible to be comfortable in. The only position that is even remotely acceptable is with your back leaned up against the back of the chair, and your legs extended under the table. Yet such a position elicits a negative response from teachers and makes it seem as though you are just trying to be comfortable, rather than absorbing the material.

   The only way you can sit in this first kind of chair is by either leaning forward and hunching into a “C” shape, or leaning back in a reclined position. The latter is the more popular option but still uncomfortable for most. If you try to sit in the chair as it is intended, your spine will grind against the rough plastic, resulting in extreme discomfort.

   The second kind of chair is the tall backed stool. This shares many similarities with the rolling chair and provides a handful of better features. The plastic and building style remains the same; however, the added height is a tremendous breakthrough in chair engineering. The height allows the user to stand and sit without much difficulty. The stool chair lacks significantly in one area. The fact that you cannot sit comfortably in it without leaning forward renders the seat useless to the average student. The only place to put your feet is the small bar located in between the legs.

    The last chair is not really a chair. The uncommon buoy is a cylindrical seat that is an eyesore and makes you sore. They’re great for sitting for ten minutes or less, but when seated for longer periods of time, you get sore, and run the risk of falling off. I knew someone once; she fell off a buoy during class. It was loud when her face hit the floor. Heads turned, and teachers stopped teaching. The fall was heard around the world. Buoys are impractical.

   For now, I won’t be sitting. That is all.

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For Now, I Won’t Be Sitting